Places We Go When We Fall Short at Work
Falling short is part of being human. It’s also part of being at work. We set goals, chase deadlines, make promises and sometimes, despite our best efforts, we miss the mark.
Whether it’s a project that didn’t land, a mistake that affected others, or just a sense that we could’ve done better, these moments can stir up complex emotions. Too often, we rush past them, focusing on what to fix rather than how we feel. But slowing down to name what’s happening inside gives us the power to learn, connect, and grow without shame.
The Emotions Under the Surface
Shame
The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, or connection.
Perfectionism
A self-destructive and addictive belief system that says: If I look perfect, live perfectly, and work perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.
Guilt
The emotion we experience when we fall short of our own standards or expectations. Guilt says, I did something bad, not I am bad. It pushes us to take responsibility, apologize, or make things right.
Humiliation
The intensely painful feeling that we’ve been unjustly degraded, ridiculed, or put down and that our identity has been devalued.
Embarrassment
A fleeting feeling of self-conscious discomfort in response to a minor incident that was witnessed by others.
Self-Compassion
The antidote to shame and perfectionism, made up of three elements:
Self-kindness: Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate.
Common humanity: Recognizing that failure and imperfection are part of the shared human experience.
Mindfulness: Observing our thoughts and feelings as they are, without judgment or denial.
Why This Place Is So Common at Work
Our jobs ask a lot of us. We’re constantly learning, adapting, and stretching into new territory. And with that comes the inevitable reality that we won’t get it right every time.
True mastery requires curiosity and courage. It means trying, failing, and trying again. But in many workplaces, failure isn’t always celebrated as a learning opportunity. Instead, perfectionism creeps in.
As Brené Brown writes,
“Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking.”
Even those who don’t identify as perfectionists often find it showing up at work, especially when their value feels tied to performance. The higher the stakes, the harder it can be to give ourselves permission to be imperfect.
The Default Emotion: “I’m Embarassed”
When we fall short, embarrassment is often the first emotion we name. It’s a quick flush of discomfort or a reaction to being seen in a less than perfect light. But embarrassment tends to fade fast, and when we stop there, we miss the deeper emotions that might still be lingering.
Sometimes, what we call embarrassment is actually shame (“I’m not good enough”), guilt (“I messed up and need to make it right”), or humiliation (“I’ve been unfairly disrespected”). And when we skip over those deeper feelings, we risk moving too quickly into solution mode without taking the time to pause and reflect. That road leads straight to burnout.
Digging Deeper
When you fall short at work, pause and ask yourself:
Am I feeling guilty because my mistake affected others?
Am I feeling ashamed, believing I’m unworthy because of this failure?
Is perfectionism driving me to overcompensate or hide my flaws?
Or am I practicing self-compassion, giving myself the same understanding I’d offer someone else?
Awareness transforms the moment from self-criticism into self-reflection.
The Power of Naming It
Once you accurately name your emotion, you can respond with clarity for yourself and for others.
Example 1:
Rather than saying, “I’m embarrassed,” you identify that you’re feeling shame. You believe you’re flawed and unworthy, but what you actually want is understanding and acceptance. Naming it allows you to practice self-kindness and remember that mistakes don’t define your worth. Mistakes connect you to the shared humanity of everyone who’s ever failed before you (which is everyone).
Example 2:
Instead of jumping straight to, “I’ll fix this,” you notice you’re feeling guilt. That recognition encourages you to slow down and repair with others by apologizing, collaborating, and inviting them into the solution instead of isolating yourself in self-punishment.
Naming what’s really happening doesn’t make failure easier, but it makes it more meaningful. It turns shame into empathy, guilt into accountability, and imperfection into growth.
Want to Go Deeper?
If your team is ready to build emotional intelligence and resilience, Nimble Up offers a 2-hour virtual workshop on Emotions at Work. It’s an engaging, practical way to help teams move beyond “fine” and into authentic connection, confidence, and self-awareness.